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By Jennifer Angel

Flirting is a form of communication, which mainly consists of non-verbal communication and we use these skills everyday without even realising. The other area about flirting is confidence and this is one of the reasons why people are hesitant to flirt because they don’t feel confident enough to carry it off, so let’s look at ways that you can boost your flirting confidence. Start by looking at the different communication skills, which we use every day in building, developing and attracting relationships.

Develop Self-Awareness

Firstly, how well do you know yourself? Or, how well do you think you know yourself. It’s said that every person has every trait and it’s not until someone brings the best or the worst out of you, which relationships frequently do, that you even realise that you have a particular quality or trait. When you find out that you do have a quality that’s considered to be undesirable, there is a tendency to either ignore and disown it. However, it’s only your perception that tells you a trait is not good and therefore you spend all this time not liking that part of yourself. This feeling can take over and start to control how you are and what you do in life.

Take time now to think about all the things you don’t like about yourself that you would prefer to change and how you would go about changing them if you could. Write them down in a journal, and then write down all the things you like about yourself. Be honest and hopefully the list of likable areas will be as big as the list of dislikes. They should be balanced on each side, not a whole lot of dislikes and no likeable areas, because that’s not realistic.

Put some time aside to do this exercise and sit quietly where you won’t be disturbed so you can make notes in a private journal. It’s important that you feel safe whilst doing this exercise, you don’t want someone coming in and looking over your shoulder. This information is for you only, unless you decide to share it with someone. Once you do the exercise you will realise that there are things you dislike about yourself that can be changed. Also, there are plenty of great things that you like or love about yourself. This is a very enlightening exercise and one, which will give you more confidence as a person and will certainly give you more confidence when exercising your flirting skills. Being successful at flirting will attract the relationships you want are comfortable with, making it easier to build successful and rewarding relationships.

Introduce Self-Affirmation

Positive thought and positive daily affirmations keep you in a good frame of mind. When you have a positive attitude, it’s amazing how you feel much better about yourself. Be kind to yourself, start each day with a list of positive affirmations, learn them by heart and refer to them through-out the day. You’ll be surprised at how uplifting you’ll feel. Your whole posture and the total look of you will change, with people also commenting on how well you look. People love to be around positive people rather than negative news bearers as it makes them feel good too. By being positive about yourself and your life you will automatically become more popular in all areas of life.

Eliminate Self-Destruct

This is another exercise for your journal. Write down all the things you say to yourself on daily bases that are self-destructive thoughts. You may need to do this over a week and make a conscious effort to write thoughts down as you think of them. It’s an extremely interesting and effective exercise because there are generally a whole lot of thoughts we constantly say to ourselves that are less than encouraging and we’re not even aware of it. They can be thought patterns that have been built up over many, many years and each time you say or think of them you are re-enforcing the negative thought pattern, making it stronger and stronger. They can be thoughts like; I’m not good enough. I’m stupid. I’m never going to be able to do that. Nobody is going to love me. I’m useless; I’m a failure and so on. You get the picture, I’m sure you’ve heard of some of these before. As soon as you hear one of these destructive thoughts stop yourself and immediately replace it with something positive and keep doing this until you have replaced all negative thought patterns with positive ones.

Time for Self-Nourishment

It’s time to pamper yourself! Do something nice for yourself every day, even if it’s writing in your journal. This means taking time for you, and honouring yourself enough to do so. If you’re able to do this then you’ll feel better, look better, and have more confidence. Self-nourishing is being careful with whom you spend your time with. Some people who are takers in life and they rob your energy, they’re the negative ones always telling you why you can’t do something or be what you dream of being. If you can’t eliminate these people from your life, then minimise the contact. Instead, surround yourself with positive people who support and encourage you in life and with your dreams.

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First Date Jitters

By Jennifer Angel

First impressions!

This is when you’re on your best behaviour, but do try to be yourself; otherwise you’re going to give your date a false impression of who you really are. Look your best because first impressions really do count. You can tell a lot about a person from their appearance and from the way, they act. It’s those subtle non-verbal cues that your date will notice straight away and use to form an opinion of you. It’s not just the way you dress, it’s the way you walk, the way you look at him/her, the way you address others, how graceful you are or aren’t. Nothing is right or wrong here, what’s important is that you show your date the real you. However, do be aware that there are many levels of communication, which come into play, that make up someone’s opinion of you even before they meet you.

Your personal presentation

Dress to impress, however do dress appropriately for the outing you’re going to. If it’s a casual affair then dress casually, don’t overdo it with your new glitter top and lots of jewellery, you will look over-done and silly.

Where to go?

If you’re asked where you would like to go then pick somewhere you can talk so you can get to know each other. For instance sitting in a picture theatre watching a movie may not be the best choice as you don’t get a chance to chat, but at least you can hold hands, and that is another powerful form of communication.

If you’re choosing a restaurant, it’s a good idea to choose something casual that’s not too expensive, especially if you’re unsure of who’s paying the bill. There’s no hard and fast rule of who pays the bill, however it may be advantages for you to split the bill or for you to at least ask if you can contribute. Remember if you split the bill, it keeps everything on an equal level of control and on a first date, this is an advisable thing to do. After all, you don’t even know each other that well yet so you’re not sure where, if anywhere, the relationship is going.

What to eat?

When you’re at the restaurant be careful with the choices you make when ordering from the menu or buffet. You don’t want to eat anything that is too difficult and you have no time left to talk. In addition, you know that he or she is going to ask you something right when you have your mouth full. So, spaghetti is out, far too messy. Also, so are things like ribs or bouillabaisse, far too messy and not very elegant. Order meals that you can eat quickly if you’re asked a question, not like a big steak, which takes ages to chew every mouthful. Try something that’s a little more delicate, perhaps a salad and fish or even rice dishes that are much easier and less messy.

What to chat about?

Be prepared with things to chat about on the first date. Think of questions you can ask him or her but nothing too deep or probing. Try to stay with items of general interest. Read the newspaper and see what the latest headlines are quoting. Or you can buy magazines you think they may be interested in to do some research. Other than that, you can talk about his interests, work, food, restaurants, holidays and those types of general interest areas. Hopefully, you will have an ease of being together and the conversation will flow without too much trouble. But at least if you do some preparation then you won’t be stuck for something to say and have to sit though those awful silences if things aren’t going as well as hoped. It pays to be prepared, otherwise it could be a very long dinner or outing!

The end of the night

Ok, now what do you do? Well if it didn’t go as well as you would have liked, you can say something like, you would like to be just friends or if he/she persists on seeing you again, you can say you’re not sure of your schedule and get his/her number to call back. If he/she wants to kiss you goodnight then make sure it’s a kiss on the check otherwise you will only encourage him/her so be careful here that you don’t give them the wrong impression or mixed messages. If you’re not sure if you want to see them again make another date so you can get to know them better. Best here to stay with the kiss on the check. Or, it was fantastic, and it was everything that you dreamed of and more, he/ she is your prince or princess and you definitely want to see them again. If this is the case, a little bit of flirtatiousness at the end of the night would be in order and a kiss on the lips, but don’t go any further if you don’t intend to go any further. Being flirtatious and teasing are two different things so make sure you know the difference.

Happy Dating!

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Relationship Secret Weapon

By Jennifer Angel

The Art of Silent Communication

It’s amazing how much we can tell about someone without even talking to him or her. Imagine if you were to watch one of those old black and white movies before they had sound, even without the sub-titles you knew what was going on. Non-verbal communication is an extremely strong and powerful way to communicate and if you can learn to pick up the signals then your communication and interpersonal skills in this area are going to be very valuable, not only with your romantic relationship but in all areas of your life.

Mastering Non-Verbal Chat

Flirtation techniques start with non-verbal communication and the whole flirting sequence can consist totally of non-verbal communication. You can let someone know that you’re interested in them by using certain moves and looks. If you put them in a sequence, it’s extremely powerful. It’s surprising the amount of chatting we can do without opening our mouth. Even a man from Mars will understand the subtleties of non-verbal chat.

First Impressions

First impressions count. These first thoughts when you meet someone are lasting and have a strong bearing on what they think of you. When you’re checking someone out, you quickly look them over and you say yea or nay in almost an instant. Often, we don’t get another chance to put our best foot forward as the first impression can mean so much. That’s why it’s important to make that extra effort when you know you’re going to meet someone who could end up being that special person in your life.

Develop Your Personal Style

Your personal presentation says a lot about who you are. What you wear is such a strong visual form of communication that it displays a message about who you are. Do you dress formally, casual, neat casual or business casual? Do you wear flat shows for comfort or high heels for fashion and style? Are you wearing the latest season colour, do you wear bright, sombre or earthy colours? What about your hairstyle, is it glamorous, neat, or businesslike? Is your make-up natural, non-existent or glamorised? All of these areas and signs will indicate the type of person you are. Make sure you’re projecting the image you want others to see. Have a good look at your self-image and make changes that show you for the person you are and want to be.

What Does Your Face Say

The expressions you use are a total give away as to how you’re feeling. Are you raising your eyebrows and questioning what someone is saying. Are you smiling indicating that you’re happy, or do you have a sad or angry look on your face? Or, do you have an inquisitive or inviting smile. What about your eyes, are they in a direct stare at someone and looking intense or glassed over indicting you’re deep in thought. Perhaps they are twinkling and have a magical character trait about them. There are many expressions, which will let others know how you are feeling, practice in front of the mirror and perfect them..

Tell Tale Body Signs

Body language is another area on non-verbal communication. Watch when you next meet someone for the first time and see what you can pick up. How are they standing? Do they have a straight confident or perhaps even defiant stand? Are they more easy-going and leaning next to a wall, or are they just casually comfortable. What about their hands and arms? Are they crossed or more open near their side. Is their head on the side or straight up? Do they look flexible or inflexible? Are their shoulders slumped over, which can mean that they are cold or perhaps self-conscious? What can you tell about the way they handle their body. There are lots of books written on body language but if you think about it and put it to the test you’ll be surprised at what you can pick up by just automatically knowing what it means.

Are You a Touchy Feely Person

Touchy feely people love to be touched and people that are more private prefer not to be touched. Which one are you or are you both? If you are a touchy tactile person, it’s important to be aware that not everyone feels like this and it can be an intrusion on their personal space. They can take offence to you touching them, even if it’s only a light touch on their arm. The other area to take into account is personal space. How far you stand from someone can be the difference of feeling comfortable or not. A good indication of this is watch if the person you are talking to is constantly moving back, then you edge forward and they move back again and before you know it, you have moved across the room. What’s happening here is you are invading their personal space, you are far too close to them and they don’t feel comfortable in your presence. Back off and it will be a far more pleasant interaction for both people.

More Than Words

You can see that there is a whole lot of communication going on without you even opening your mouth. In-fact when you meet someone they have already made an opinion of you before you’re introduced. This is a good reason to be more aware of what signals you are giving to others and to make sure you are giving the right signals, the ones you want to portray. Otherwise, you might be misunderstood and not even know it. Happy Communicating!